itz coming to the end of the year again. 2 more weeks, i’ll be saying bye-bye to my P6s, and maybe to those P4s who will be transferring school. one and a half yrs into my teaching career… lots of feelings, lots of thoughts, esp after dis year. last yr was honeymoon. dis yr i reli felt the stress as workload was more. lots of new responsibilities dis yr. i also get to know lots of pupils bcos of my music lessons, and hear a lot of things fr them too, about the school, about teachers, about the pupils themselves.
the yr is generally good, even though there were some periods of “down”. the “down” periods were usually bcos of colleagues. ya, itz back to adults agn. office politics, most of the time it is. itz always adults tat give problems, not the kids. there r always ppl tat backstab, 打小报告, or spread rumours. but itz ok, we all know who these bitches r, they won’t affect us anyway. we always stay in a group, united, how much of 小报告they r gg to make to our ROs, how many stabs they r gg to give us behind our baks, how much rumours they r gg to spread, itz ok. people of the right mind will know the problem doesn’t lie with me.
u see, if the whole department dislikes, or the whole department is against this one person, then who is the one with problems? this bitch always think the whole world is against her, sabo-ing her. but hey! y can’t u do some soul-searching??? ya, i forgot, if she knows how to do soul-searching, then she wont be in this state alr…
ok, enuf about the bitch… this yr is quite fulfilling indeed… i guess i’m in the right job, cos my job reli gives me the satisfaction. not the school lah, itz the pupils actually. we r teachers, our basic responsibility is the pupils’ academic & welfare. but i feel sad that nowadays, teachers r always very busy for other things, and pupils’ academic & welfare have to be sacrificed. we r into so many committees, so many planning, coordinating, admin work, so much tat we can’t have enuf time to plan good lessons for our pupils, we can’t have enuf time to interact with our pupils to know them more, learn about their problems,
give them care & concern.
to hell with ranking & all the admin work lor! i just want to be a good teacher for my students. teach them properly, show them concern, care about their well-being & make sure they r emotionally healthy. our school recently came up with the Youth Olympic Committee, i very suay lor! i’m in the committee, and i can imagine, there’s gg to be nvr ending meetings and plannings…… my only reaction was: SIANZ……………. but when i told my mum, her reaction was: Good ah, then u’ve more chance to perform, good for ur profile, since being a teacher nowadays, the appraisal is more on all these things rather than just teaching alone.
See???? even my mum knows that being a teacher nowadays is not just about teaching. but i reli don’t like it!!!! can’t i just teach?! and let my job revolves only around my pupils??? i know i can’t, becos i’m in this system. singapore’s MOE system… 人在江湖，身不由己… i have a family to feed, and i need money for my 败家的性格(哈哈！), so i can’t say i just do wat i wan. i still care about my performance bonus de lor… even tho i’m not the kind who wants to climb up frantically, i can’t say i’m not concerned about my ranking. itz more of the ego aspect bah…
oh ya, was talking about satisfaction just now, so u can see my satisfaction definitely doesn’t come fr the system, nor the policies. it comes only from the pupils. there r pupils who’ll write to me telling me their problems. i guess i’m still new, so i’m very easily affected by them. when i read their problems, when i see my pupils feeling sad, my heart reli feels so heavy the whole day. but i’m glad they trust me, and they found me. i mean at least they hv found a way of letting out their problems. one girl wrote this to me when she faced some problems: “miss ng u r reli very nice cos everytime i tell u my problem, whether izit small or big, you’ll seriously help me solve it, 认真地对待, my form teacher, everytime i tell her, she’ll say never mind, her ‘never mind’ means she has completed her task.”
this was just one of the many small things which contributed to my satisfaction. i was reli very happy & touched reading the letter. i’m glad the pupils feel my care & concern. it shows the pupils can feel how teachers treat them. i’m very close to my pupils. some teachers may 看不惯, or 看不过去, but i don care, tatz my style. i remember there was a time, my music lessons on thursdays were always ‘eaten up’ bcos of school activities, exams, p.holidays, etc. my pupils saw me along the corridor & waved frantically at me, and i just shouted, ’so long never see me, got miss me or not?’ a teacher walked by n heard. i dunno how she felt lah. but certainly, i’m one of the very few teachers tat talk to pupils in this way.
so yes, itz been a fulfilling year, at least i found out and i’m very certain i’m in the right job. i’m enjoying my job, enjoying my interaction with my pupils. as for the system, the policies, the office politics, i can only say 我很无奈, but those r not my biggest concerns. i shall continue to be the way i am, continue in my very own style!
oops! i forgot to mention my CL department kakis… yea… we r always there for one another, and give one another satisfaction too! 爱人、亲爱的、darling、胡老师、尤美美、何老师、“阿喘”！we r one another’s dustbins, cos when all the trash fills us up (trash: stress, problems, unhappiness, anger), we’ll empty our trash into the dustbins. itz fortunate to be part of this family in BPS!
certainly hope nxt yr will be another fulfilling year!
