One Inch Closer to babysteph

itz been nothing but a mad rush ever since i returned fr the woodbadge camp. busy washing clothes, din even have time to catch back all the sleep i lost at camp, den it was 2 whole days of wrk in school… remedial+admin work, yea, 10 hrs of work each day. today was worse, spent a hell of time packing my luggage for my 14 day trip. den rushed to sch to do the level file for checking…then rushed to wheelock to collect the hp i sent in for svcing 6mths back. phew! finally, i’m waiting now… waiting for 10.30pm to come & i shall make my way to the airport.

it was a bad decision to go for such a long trip dis time… no time to rest b4 the long tough trip, no time to do my own stuffs… no time to SLEEP!!!!! i reli miss my sleep leh… yes, sleeping is so impt to me. the woodbadge camp alr told me, without enuf slep, i can’t concentrate, can’t learn things, can’t do things properly. but this trip, itz ok la, dis trip is somewhere which i have always wanted to go… silk road. tinking of all the historical stuffs i’ll get to c there, the history i’ll get to hear fr the tour guide.. all dis is enuf to make me feel excited. just hope i can sleep on the plane later… i always hate night flights!

but then, itz gonna b a tough trip.. the food, the climate, the environment, the super long coach rides… i became darker aft the woodbadge camp, tink aft this trip itz gonna be worse! gonna splash lots of sunblock on myself… hope i can come back in one piece, a healthy piece. of coz not only me, mummy as well.

can’t help but tink about term 3 in school… right aft i return fr my trip, it’ll b a mad rush again… in school. stressed siazzzz….. the stupid checking of bks, i din manage to submit all tat was required…heck lah, i simply couldn’t finish, if they’re gg to gauge my performance just based on tat, so be it… all teacher frens out there, enjoy yourselves dis short holidays, b4 we realised, the end of the year will be near again.

my P6s, if u r reading my blog, pls pls pls pls pls remember to study & revise dis holidays, there is no time to waste… mid july is the start of ur pre-lims alr. all the best!

and pray i’ll have a safe trip! i’ll miss u ppl…

stressed out…and tired…even during the holidays… tired from my 5 day scout camp. immediately aft the camp, on the way back from camp to HQ, i start feeling stressed tinking about work… gg on my holidays on wed nite, but ain’t looking fwd to it at all…

can’t get into the right holiday mood…fr all the sch work i have to complete b4 my trip… the damn checking of bks lah! and i’m just so tired aft the camp, diz 2 days still havin supplementary classes in sch, i wonder if i’ve the time to recuperate b4 my sheong 14 days trip… hopefully i can squeeze time out to pack my luggage. damn it la, dis is such a terrible june holidays, everything so packed!

went back to school today, had lessons with my P4 & P6. i’m so happy to c my P6s!!! they reli liven up my mood and made me reaslise how much i miss them! the boys make my blood boil very often, but i stil enjoy seeing them, simply love tat class!=) my 1st batch of P6s, thinking about them leaving me in another 5 mths does make me feel sad.

don reli like my P4s actually, they r a super noisy & hyper bunch, childish, don respect teachers, say the wrong things to teachers, blah blah blah… just not as sweet as my P6s.

and i miss this sweet little godson of mine who’s in m’sia.. can only get to c him when sch reopens. tot he’d forgotten me his godmum, but he din. felt so elated when i saw his friendster message. godson, as much as u miss me, i miss u too!=)

i’m not able to join my boys for their scouts archery camp. 有点遗憾, i love to b with them for their camps, seeing them enjoying themselves, i enjoy myself too. hoping nothing wud go wrong with the boys, then eunice won’t have a hard time getting things done.

stayed in sch and wrked for 10 hrs today. tmr shud b the same la, the marking and tidying up for the checking of bks. super sianz… 很矛盾, i complain alot about wrk, but yet, aft accomplishing my tasks, i feel a sense of satisfaction. dunno hw to explain it.

gotta carry on with my marking tonite…zzZZZZ

reason no.1 for being happy today: i finally came hme before sunset today!=) reached hme ard 6+pm… wow, i have forgotten when was the last time on a working day i came hme before dark. ya, life sucks, when u stay almost 13 hrs everyday at work. and i finally did my pedicure today! got my nice nails back.

thanx to MOE huh… for assigning me the course today, datz y i was forced to leave school at 2.30pm, go for the course, den was i able to reach hme before dark. but the course sucks la, dunno wat the trainer was toking about, and i simply not interested. ineffective speaker he is, mumbling to himself when the whole LT was chatting away noisily.

reason no.2 for being happy today: my music classes today were more disciplined. i guess it was bcos i had more rest last nite. so i’ve got the energy required to discipline my classes? it can be a torture teaching the tail-end classes music lo… cos itz not an examinable subject, and our pupils come fr backgrds which… er… make them not very musically-inclined. and i guess, main reason being i’m not a fierce teacher lor… 竟然有学生告诉我：“teacher u r very kind.”

hahha… was tat a compliment or insult??? ya, i’m proud tat the students like me so much, but i’m ashamed tat i do not do very well in my classroom management.

reason no.3 for being happy today: tmr’s a public holiday!!! looking fwd to a good rest! haiz…but saturday gotta go back sch clear work again la…and my lesson observation coming in week 4 le… stressed siaz… week 5 onwards woodbadge course gonna start, kinda looking fwd to it, but sianz too, cos itz at nite, 7-10pm..zzZZ…..

dis has been a good week. i did try to force myself to leav sch early, about 7.30pm, itz an achievement alr, cos for the past almost 1 term, i leave at almost 8pm everyday. 仍然祈祷能够无惊无险地度过这个学期！

wanna add to my previous post… some things tat happened before the march holidays made me rather unhappy with work… i sincerely hope the unhappiness is not permanent.

there was house practice for sports carnival every week, and every teacher belonged to one house. my house practice was always very messy, i dunno y… but well, i’m neither the house mistress nor the house master, and i simply hate sports stuffs, so… i just do my job lor… at one of the house practices, 2 very senior teachers took chairs, sat in front of the hall & chit chat throughout the 2 hrs. wat they did, made me felt super 不平衡！i tot senior teachers shud set good examples???? if new teachers like us were to do the same, we wud be arrowed & marked down, maybe even scolded or "counselled"… but NOBODY said a thing about those 2 teachers sitting on chairs chit chatting, throughout the whole house practice. i cannot tolerate that.

another thing was… not having enuf support fr school, for scout activities… alot of red tapes, dis cannot, dat cannot… the sch wanna start dis new CCA, but slashed our budget by half… then 怕这个怕那个. HQ gives us last minute things, we explain to principal itz HQ tat gave last minute notice. but so wat, explanation is no use. we r still blamed for doing last minute work (as if itz our fault). gotta take the blame & carry on complete the tasks. KNN….

lots of such incidents, they just keep coming… hopefully term 2 will be a beta term… but i’m sceptical about it….

dunno wat title to give to dis post..so left it empty. anyway, itz not a happy post la.

was saying in my previous post tat i’m enjoying being a scouts tcr-in-charge. but i totally don enjoy being the music coordinator! actually, i’m tinking of stepping down… not now, definitely. end of yr ba. very sianz…………………..

i find it a hassle to chair meetings, to schedule meetings by emailing/sms-ing/calling my committee members of which some wud go MIA, nvr reply my sms nor answer my calls. i guess music is just not my cup of tea, even tho i’m equipped with the qualifications.

teaching chinese needs more preparation, there is also more marking to be done. but i actually enjoy teaching chinese more than music, altho music needs zero marking. i guess i just have the passion for chinese language & culture. teaching music is very different fr playing music or appreciating music loh. and it is rather difficult disciplining some pupils in my music classes, cos i only c them once a week, for 30 mins. i don even know their names.

(SHIT, my sunburnt skin is starting to itch… 真不好受！)

there’s a big event tat needs to be planned, and i need to work wif someone more superior. many a time, i go to dis person hoping dis person will give advice to my problems. but in fact, my problems increase or magnify, aft seeing dis person… and my music committee is SSSSOOOOOOOOOO small. worse still, itz a non-core committee, so everyone bo-chap. itz almost impossible to get all members together for a meeting, cos diff time tables, diff sessions. gd loh, i’m not superwoman, certain things can’t be done by one person alone. so, i shall not push myself tat hard in dis dept. cannot be done by one person alone, den i don do loh!

doing the budget, work review, dept work plan is the worst! haiz….still gotta bear wif these tasks for another 9 mths… hope i’l be able to step down ah………… then i wont be so overloaded… i wanna spend more time on my chinese lessons, and on scouts.
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sometimes i get very unhappy just tinking about the things i need to do for the music dept… is the task too diffcult for me? or izit just so that i simply do not have the interest in it… datz y i keep delaying them, and not doing my best for them… i don’t know. i only know, right now, i’m very unhappy about doing the 3 yr dept work plan… i find it very nonsensical, and don c the rationale behind it. maybe bcos i’m still very raw at it.

so i conclude i’m not cut out to be someone in the middle management, cos i simply hate chairing meetings and doing admin stuffs such as dept work plans, and planning dept events. HATE! HATE! HATE! i just wanna be a happy teacher, enjoying teaching my pupils & loving them! in fact, tat shud b the core responsibility of teachers, not admin wrk & stuffs. wat MOE is doing now, 其实是本末倒置.

beta stop my complaining… i shall think of the happy things tat happened at camp, and times spent with my frens. leave the worries, the stress to tmr. zzZZZZ…..

i’m kinda
overloaded dis yr, with the tasks of a P6 teacher, music coordinator &
scouts tcr-in-charge. moreover, scouts is a new CCA in my sch. lots of admin
wrk & activities. eunice & i r both beginning tcrs, lots of things to
learn & explore together.

i’m actually enjoying being tcr-in-charge of scouts more than being a music
coordinator… y… i will update ltr in a separate post.

spent thur to sat at scouts sixer camp. it was fun! reli made me miss my good old
days in NCC!!!! i can still start a fire using solid fuel eh! heh heh… was looking for my insect repellant, and i realised i still had my stove, my
solid fuel & sulphur powder in my cupboard! surprised! i’m gld i din throw dose stuffs away, they r memories of the good old days… but i doubt they can be used,
bot them donkey yrs bak.

the camp was tough lo, had to hike with my boys at p.ubin, the sun dat day was
super strong. eunice & i ended up sunburnt! very painful… fri nite the pain was so unbearable i sat on bed & cried… nvr been in the sun for so long le, reli useless now =( now my arms
look roasted.. will look damn ugly when the skin starts peeling..argghhhh….hate the ugliness… my arms, thighs, neck, nose & forehead will start peeling soon..

tough, but we had fun! wud rather spend my time in camps, tho
physically tough, but infinity times beta dan having to do admin work &
marking… and the nonsensical 3 yr dept work plan…

we din camp overnite with our boys. it wud b fun lah, but…we r still not prepared
yet. left uniformed grp for so many yrs le, so used to having my own bed, my hair
dryer, my own bathrm. need time to be prepared for sleping in the wild & go
w/o baths. we definitely gotta be prepared, cos our scout leaders woodbadge
camp is coming soon… 5D4N camp… kaoz… longer than a holiday to nearby countries eh… will definitely miss my bed, my cats, and mummy! =(

love my scout boys… they r very blur, very raw, as compared to the boys fr other schools…but still love them! they very pitiful during the camp wor… all so tired, sunburnt, 1 sprained ankle, & they had to carry their barangs which r more than 10kg.. some of them r so skinny.. and i c all the mosquito bites on them… i think for all of them, itz the 1st time in their life they r away fr their families for 3 days, and not eating well.

just hope this sixer training camp will make them tougher, stronger, and less blur! glad the parents r cooperative so far (fingers crossed). and hopefully the boys stay healthy aft the camp. pray hard no one falls sick or wateva, else parents will start blaming us…. stress lo, hv to answer to parents & answer to school.

this is our first batch of boys, just like our babies, itz gonna be a long road seeing them grow in scouts. reli hope our unit will grow in quantity & quality, and eunice & i continue to enjoy the satisfaction we get from putting effort in dis unit.

the march one week holidays r coming to an end, and for me, it was no holiday at all… my CCA is taking up a lot of my time. last sat was scouts jobweek, was with the boys the whole day. enjoyed myself with ivy & gals on sunday, and k-ing with samantha til late nite. monday tuesday was in sch for meetings and admin work (the DAMN admin work!). wed was my only free day & i simply 罢工, cos i need a break. thur to sat was at scouts camp.

so…a very no life holiday huh…

went shopping & catching up with QM dis evening. bot a pair of papillio. happy! yes, happy to spend money, after weeks of stressed & miserable life in school. spending money at shopping has become an outlet for my stress.

now i have to rush my weekly lesson plan, my EPMS, and a 3yr dept work plan cum dis term’s music dept work review. stupid me lor! shud have done the 3yr dept work plan cum term 1 dept work review during the meeting on tues, with my music committee. but i din. cos the VP sent the email so early, and i was so pissed off by the idea of doing a 3 yr work plan… so i just chuck the email aside without noting the deadline… and halfway during camp on fri, received a call fr HOD saying i sent the wrong minutes of meeting. DAMN!

no need to sleep liaoz…..

itz saturday…another day which i spent my hrs in school doing work…only reached aft lunch..wud have been there earlier to clear my wrk, if not bcos i was too tired & overslept..

not sure y i’m feeling down…just feeling a little depressed… probably bcos of wrk… am i just inefficient or wat??? i just can’t finish my work… been staying in school for almost 13 hrs everyday & gg back on sat aftnoons. but the work is piling up, higher & higher…

even sadder to say, marking pupils’ work is not priority nowadays. admin work is. datz the saddest part about being a teacher. everyday i’ll have to clear admin work, and at the end of the day, when i have time aft clearing admin work, then it’ll be marking… a teacher said today, and i somehow agree: 很无奈，很悲哀，but it is a fact that admin work is not important BUT urgent, and marking bks & preparing for teaching is important BUT not urgent.

sad to say, but it is a fact that we are kinda graded by the admin work we do. do you complete certain forms & hand in on time, do you plan for events, how successful ur event is, walking up & down talking to pple related to the events, etc, etc… i no longer panic when my marking piles up, i only feel helpless & miserable..

recently been real busy for the scouts investiture nxt weekend. i feel guilty that i haven’t done much for my music dept… just took up the position of music coordinator, reli hope i can show some results and not end up doing nothing much. i reli must learn to multi-task… to juggle scouts events & music stuffs…

and just when i’m so so so stressed & busy, i heard something not so pleasant. someone was asking why am i the music coordinator & not her… dis is not the 1st time she’s making noise. fr wat i know, she has thrown tat qn to at least 3 pple. there shud b more, itz just that it hasn’t got to my ears. y not her… she shud be asking the management, and not colleagues. wat else she said besides asking the qn, i reli dunno. maybe some things bad about me?

itz not upsetting, but it is reli bothering me. we used to be in a beta relationship, b4 i was made the music coordinator. she reli tinks i want to be the music coordinator??? i was appointed, not that i asked for the position. i just hope she stops gg ard saying things behind my back. i wont do anything yet, i shall use my capability to prove that i have the ability to be the music coordinator.

recently yan asked wat i wan for my bday. aft thinking, i said: i don lack anything now. all i need is SLEEP & TIME.

i still love my job, i enjoy having work to do, having chances & opportunities to prove myself. i noe there r bound to be hiccups here & there, now & then… just hope i can take things in my stride. i’m still a beginning teacher, i shall learn to handle things as they come.

something happy for me to share is, my P6s are so sweet. they actually remember my bday, and i’ve received presents & cards from some of them. sometimes they simply make my day! i’m thankful i have such sweet students, and of coz the sweet colleagues & khakis who has always been there to give me support. i love you people!

wow, my last post was on 3rd december…that was donkey time ago… and i see lesser & lesser posts from my teacher frens’ blogs. there can be only 1 conclusion: everyone’s just SO BUSY!!! yes, busy till not even havin enuf time to sleep, let alone blog-writing. the Chinese New Year holidays coming, i decided to 罢工 today, since i was alr wrking 9hrs in school yesterday. Yes, even on a sat, it was full day of wrk.

itz a crazy start dis yr. i wud call last yr a big honeymoon! new tasks, new responsibilities, heavier wrkload… staying in sch for 12 hrs almost everyday, sometimes still have to continue wrking back at home. i miss my sleep, i miss my bed, i miss "sayang-ing" my cats, i miss chatting with mum, i miss chatting with my dear! but frankly speaking, i do welcome the challenge, and sometimes i do enjoy being busy.

teaching p6 dis yr, stressed of coz, cos 1st time teaching p6, and the school is result-oriented. and my p6s are so "friend friend" with me, sometimes it makes me worry. worried dat i’m not feirce enuf to make them study seriously. but i reli enjoy my talks & jokes with them. 这一班是活宝！my 1st batch of p6s, definitely feel differently for them, been wif them since last yr p5, saw them grow & change.

oso took up the task of music coordinator…lots of admin work datz making me siao! i’ve 15 periods of music lessons per week. and bcos i teach so many classes, the students know me, but i dunno them. i c some of them only 1period a week lo. so itz like, everywhere i go in sch, the students wud greet me, but er… i dunno wich class they r from. but it sure feels good to be greeted by so many pple, wahaha..!

nxt new task is teacher-in-charge for scouts. wa, dis is even crazier than being the music coordinator. cos our sch just started scouts dis yr. wich means, no experience, start fr scratch. brot the 18 boys scouts to buy their uniforms ystd. they enjoyed themselves, i oso enjoyed myself! thankful tat all diz 18 are committed & "can be tamed". those who "no heart to join" one have quit, when i heard dat, actually i was smiling inside. eveytime lost consent form, everything oso forget, turn up for CCA only know hw to talk & talk…quit beta lo! don giv me trouble.

lots of my saturdays will be burned bcos of scouts, but which means my EPMS dis yr can be very thick liao loh.. LOL … oso very thankful tat i’m in scouts wif eunice! alr good frens in the same department, wrk together in scouts definitely easier, and can have fun together! most imptly, often get free rides fr her, hahaha…!

o, i realised, many students have been viewing my profile recently… some adding me, and some kpo ones leaving comments on my photos. so i beta b careful wif wat i write.

can’t wait to have a good rest during the chinese new yr holidays. reli need a few days’ good sleep to recharge my battery! but itz not totally rest, ultimately still have to complete some work during the CNY holidays. QM, i’m craving for my gyoza liaoz…

Dear all,

I’ve lost all my contacts, cos my hp screen is dead. i can’t retrieve anything inside…reli bek cek! cos not only contacts, but information on my bank accounts, credit cards all inside…and i’m flying tonite for my holiday, so i haven’t got time to take it for repair. the nxt suay thing is, my PC is oso dead!

i reli tink i’m an IT jinx lor!!! my PC went dead for 2 weeks some time in july, then it was revived again. dis time, i reli hope it wont go dead forever… there r still things inside which i haven’t backed up.

i’ve bot a new hp, so would u please kindly sms me ur contact no., so dat we won’t lose contact? thank u very much! my hp no. is still the same, 9873 ****. try to sms me by tonite, cos i’m flying ard midnite, if not, u can email me ur contact, cos i wanna avoid paying the expensiv ovrseas sms fee. i’l try check my email when i’m overseas.